Natural Fashion | Review

Do you ever do something without thinking too much about it, thinking all is going well, that you're doing the right thing, only for it to turn into a complete nightmare? That seems to happen to me quite a lot.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been dealing with a wholesaler of organic cotton clothing in Australia. They asked me to review one of their t-shirts and I agreed. They then wanted to advertise on my site, great I thought, so they paid me for 3 months advertising and I put up their banner ad. Then they wanted me to exclusively sell their organic cotton toys through my site. Great again. Then they wanted me to exclusively sell all their products through my site. What more could I have asked for. I was to get 10% on all sales. While I didn't expect to make loads of money through them, it would have added a couple of hundred dollars a month to my income, which would have grown over the next couple of years.

So I wrote a couple of posts about them, one of which got picked up by Treehugger, the number one 'green' site. That was great exposure and great to get a link from a PR 7 website. Things were going really well, too well.

So then I wrote the Natural Fashion review. This is where the not thinking too much part comes in. I cover the item one point at a time. I mention the quality of the fabric, how it washed, how it ironed, that kind of thing. Then I mentioned that I didn't really like the colour. It's that natural, undyed colour which probably only suits half the population. It doesn't suit me and I said so. I then mentioned the crappy, old fashioned designs. I tried to be nice about it and did mention that not all the designs were rubbish but I was in trouble.

When the idiots people at Natural Fashion found out they went crazy. Demanding to know how I was going to sell their products with such a negative review. Good point. The problem is I wrote what I thought was right. I don't like their crappy website and their crappy clothes. Sure the organic toys are pretty cute as are the children's clothes but the women's stuff is just rubbish. Who in their right mind would wear those dresses? If you want to see them just search for natural fashion in Australia. I won't waste a link to them.

I said it wasn't that bad, it was just the review of one top after all, it wasn't a sales page. I agreed to add a few more positive points but not to change what I wrote. They emailed me analysing each paragraph, highlighting all the negative things I said. That was a shock. I was pretty pissed off by their attitude. I tell you they pissed off the wrong person. My website ranks much better than theirs so I can write whatever I like about them and loads of people will read about it.

So naturally, I updated the post with everything they said to me. That sure made them angry, if they weren't before. They then demanded I remove all the images and logos about their site, including the banner ad they had paid for, that I remove all links to their site (meaning they would lose all traffic I was sending them; yes they are stupid), and that I remove all mention of their trademarked name, Natural Fashion.

That last point is pretty ridiculous and there's no way I'll be doing that. Why should I? I didn't go to all that trouble to just have to remove the post. Plus I want my visitors to see how stupid those people are - Renata and Doug Giles that is. I'll mention their name just in case they have a Google alert set up for themselves, I'm sure they'd be happy to read this ;)

The brilliant thing is now if you search for natural fashion in google.com.au, the second listing is my review post. So most people searching for them and see all the crap I wrote about them. Don't you just love blogs? With a bit of luck this post will show up too :)

So yeah, I probably lost a bit of money but who cares; there are other organic clothing suppliers around. The last thing I need is to work with morons like those at Natural Fashion.

Sergi Lopez | Non Solum

Sergi Lopez is one of my favourite actors. I've seen him in loads of movies and will go to see a movie just because he is in it. So when I heard that he was doing a play in Paris I bought tickets immediately.

The play is called Non Solum and is playing at the Theatre du Rond Point on the Champs Elysees. It's one a one man show and a 'comedy'. That's in quotes because I didn't laugh once. Bloody hell, what a load of crap. Honestly, I've never seen such rubbish in all my life.

The theatre seats 750 people and I'd be surprised if there were more than 200 there. I know I'm not the only one who wasn't impressed because I saw 3 people sleeping. I wish I had been lucky enough to have fallen asleep. From the moment it started I was just waiting for it to end. I thought about getting up and leaving but to do that about 10 people would have had to stand up and seeing we were near the front Sergi would have seen for sure. I couldn't do it. So I sat there, counting down the minutes.

It didn't help that he has such a strong Spanish/Catalan accent. I've never had any problems understanding him in his movies. Maybe he redoes his lines in a studio or has a voice coach or something. He was a bit tough to understand at times. I feel sorry for poor Ferbent who doesn't speak much French; I don't think he understood anything.

As for the theatre itself, it was clearly built for short, thin French people. Ferbent's knees touched the seat in front of him and mine almost did. I don't know how tall people managed. The width of the seats was pretty uncomfortable for both of us too. Admittedly, I'm not the skinniest person around but Ferbent is pretty slim and the seat was a tight fit for him too.

This is just another crappy event to add to my list of crappy outings in France.

• French Formula 1 - Magny Cours. Don't even think about going to this event. The facilities are filthy, it was poorly organised, the food was way overpriced (4 euros for a bottle of water), and the traffic a nightmare; unless of course you don't mind waiting 3 hours to get out of that hell hole.
• Juanes at the Zenith. The music was great but the Zenith was a nightmare. I reckon it was 50 degrees in there. No air conditioning at all. I just about passed out. Nightmare!
• Paris Open - Tennis. I've been to the Paris Open twice and I'm pretty sure I'll never go again. It was super boring. The most annoying this was the security guards who thought they had the power to do as they chose. I went out after the first match and the buggers wouldn't let me in again. Said I was supposed to have gotten a stamp on the way out. What am I a mind reader? No one said anything when I left. There were no signs. The guy insisted I had to buy another ticket. What a joke! I made a huge fuss but to no avail. 5 minutes later two guys couldn't get back in either. I then joined them in yelling at the head security guy and eventually he caved in. Complete wankers working there.

The next event for me will be le Cirque de Soleil - Alegria. I saw them once in Perth. I had free tickets which always makes an event more enjoyable. Later this year I'm going to see Gad Elmaleh, another favourite actor/comedian of mine. He is so funny and very, very, charming but I don't know if I'll understand him that well. He speaks super fast and uses a lot of slang. Ferbent definitely won't understand much. I'll have to go anyway. I can't miss seeing him in the flesh.

No more Sergi Lopez for me though. I think I'm over him.

Ich Bin Ein Berliner

The first thing I noticed upon arriving in Germany was how big the people are. Not only big but huge! Very tall and very fat and no wonder, they eat constantly. Not that I have anything against fat people, I happily consider myself to be one, but it was a definite (and pleasant) change from the short, skinny French who eat half a sandwich and claim to be stuffed.

The French claim to love their food and eat a lot but that's rubbish. I was at a restaurant the other day and the girl next to me was telling her friend how large her meal was and that she couldn't possibly take another bite. All this after having eaten 4 tiny falafel balls and half a pita bread.

In Cologne, and I imagine most of Germany, bakeries seem to be the place to be. From morning until night, there is a queue out the door and tables inside with people happily munching away. Every morning the bakeries were full of wall to wall Berliners (doughnuts), massive loaves of bread (for less the 2 euros), and huge slices of fresh, creamy cakes. Plus there were a few sandwiches and pretzels thrown in. By around 7pm, the bakeries had no food left. None at all! I was shocked.

Every second person walking down the street was eating something so it looks like eating it Germany's favourite past time. Ferbent loves to eat too and loved Cologne. I enjoyed Cologne but hate Ferbent as he eats like I've never seen anyone eat and remains slim.

Of course I had to do as the Germans do, when in Rome Cologne and all, so for breakfast I would have a small salad sandwich in Turkish bread (thanks no doubt to the many Turkish immigrants in Germany). Mid morning was time for a Berliner. Lunch was a huge cone thing packed with hot chips topped with tzatziki (Cologne is so multicultural) from one of the shops who sell nothing but chips (my kind of place). After noon tea was cake time. By dinner time I was pretty stuffed so didn't eat too much. That was pretty much my diet during the 6 days I spent in Cologne. Yeah, healthy, I know. Surprisingly, I lost almost 2 kilos while there but no doubt if I lived there long term I'd probably double in size and have a heart attack.

"Ich bin ein Berliner" is the famous quote by John F Kennedy which translates to "I am a doughnut". Every time I saw the Berliners I thought of that and laughed. However, as it turns out, in Berlin, jam doughnuts are not known as Berliners and so he was right to say Ich bin ein Berliner but it makes me laugh anyway.

Getting a French Drivers Licence

I managed to make it to the Prefecture 10 minutes before it opened and was 16th in line, so only a short wait before I got to speak to someone. My carte de sejour was supposed to have been printed on the 30th October 2006, after applying in June, and it possibly was but I never received it. So I have ordered a new one and I should receive it next week.

They also extended my temporary carte de sejour, for a second time, so no problems there. I don't think it really needed to be extended anyway. Last time it had already been expired for a month before I went to get it extended so I don't think they care too much. It's only a temporary piece of paper valid until the real carte de sejour is printed.

As for getting a French drivers licence, that will be easy. All I need is to show my:

• passport


• current Australian drivers licence


• carte de sejour

They will do a straight swap so I don't need to fill out any forms or take a test, she will print it on the spot for me. Who would have thought that it could be so easy? Of course, there is a problem. They will only accept the carte de sejour which hasn't been printed yet. My drivers licence expires on the 7th March so that means I must exchange it before then.

Obviously I should have gone back to the Prefecture in November when I didn't receive the carte de sejour because they had told me that it was on its way. Fingers crossed that it arrives in time and I can get my French licence.

Back to the Prefecture

I'm back from Germany and back to the Prefecture. I still haven't received my plastic carte de sejour and my paper one is about to expire - again. I'll have to go to the Prefecture (or Sous Prefecture to be exact) and see what's going on. Last time I was there they told me it was sent to the printers on the 30th October so I should be receiving it at any moment. Yeah right.

I also have to exchange my Australian drivers licence as my current one is about to expire. I wonder if the Australian Consulate can renew it for me. I suppose I should contact them just in case but I doubt it. I hope there's not much paper work involved in getting a French licence. Yep, that was a joke! I am in France after all.

So I'll have to get up early tomorrow so I can queue up for an hour or so. Seeing it's already 2am it's not going to be pretty.

I'll post about Cologne soon, once I get back into writing mode.

Off to Cologne | Germany

I'm going to Germany tomorrow, to Cologne. Although I've technically been to Germany before (I stopped off on the way to the Czech Republic) I haven't seen any cities and hardly know anything about it, except for what I've seen on TV. I've always wanted to go to Berlin and Munich but I found a very cheap fare to Cologne, so Cologne it is.

I'm looking forward to being in a new country and doing some travelling. I haven't been anywhere since August last year when we went to Spain. This is going to be quite different I'm sure. I don't think I'm going to like German food but I'm going to try their specialities and even though I don't drink, I don't think I'll be able to avoid having a beer.

I'm planning to take lots of photos and I'll post the best of them when I get back, next Wednesday.