Sergi Lopez | Non Solum

Sergi Lopez is one of my favourite actors. I've seen him in loads of movies and will go to see a movie just because he is in it. So when I heard that he was doing a play in Paris I bought tickets immediately.

The play is called Non Solum and is playing at the Theatre du Rond Point on the Champs Elysees. It's one a one man show and a 'comedy'. That's in quotes because I didn't laugh once. Bloody hell, what a load of crap. Honestly, I've never seen such rubbish in all my life.

The theatre seats 750 people and I'd be surprised if there were more than 200 there. I know I'm not the only one who wasn't impressed because I saw 3 people sleeping. I wish I had been lucky enough to have fallen asleep. From the moment it started I was just waiting for it to end. I thought about getting up and leaving but to do that about 10 people would have had to stand up and seeing we were near the front Sergi would have seen for sure. I couldn't do it. So I sat there, counting down the minutes.

It didn't help that he has such a strong Spanish/Catalan accent. I've never had any problems understanding him in his movies. Maybe he redoes his lines in a studio or has a voice coach or something. He was a bit tough to understand at times. I feel sorry for poor Ferbent who doesn't speak much French; I don't think he understood anything.

As for the theatre itself, it was clearly built for short, thin French people. Ferbent's knees touched the seat in front of him and mine almost did. I don't know how tall people managed. The width of the seats was pretty uncomfortable for both of us too. Admittedly, I'm not the skinniest person around but Ferbent is pretty slim and the seat was a tight fit for him too.

This is just another crappy event to add to my list of crappy outings in France.

• French Formula 1 - Magny Cours. Don't even think about going to this event. The facilities are filthy, it was poorly organised, the food was way overpriced (4 euros for a bottle of water), and the traffic a nightmare; unless of course you don't mind waiting 3 hours to get out of that hell hole.
• Juanes at the Zenith. The music was great but the Zenith was a nightmare. I reckon it was 50 degrees in there. No air conditioning at all. I just about passed out. Nightmare!
• Paris Open - Tennis. I've been to the Paris Open twice and I'm pretty sure I'll never go again. It was super boring. The most annoying this was the security guards who thought they had the power to do as they chose. I went out after the first match and the buggers wouldn't let me in again. Said I was supposed to have gotten a stamp on the way out. What am I a mind reader? No one said anything when I left. There were no signs. The guy insisted I had to buy another ticket. What a joke! I made a huge fuss but to no avail. 5 minutes later two guys couldn't get back in either. I then joined them in yelling at the head security guy and eventually he caved in. Complete wankers working there.

The next event for me will be le Cirque de Soleil - Alegria. I saw them once in Perth. I had free tickets which always makes an event more enjoyable. Later this year I'm going to see Gad Elmaleh, another favourite actor/comedian of mine. He is so funny and very, very, charming but I don't know if I'll understand him that well. He speaks super fast and uses a lot of slang. Ferbent definitely won't understand much. I'll have to go anyway. I can't miss seeing him in the flesh.

No more Sergi Lopez for me though. I think I'm over him.